Cheers to 2022!

It’s Monday, January 3rd, 2022. And I’m thinking about blogging (again). So here’s my first post. Lol ok

I’m wondering about how casual I’d like to be with this. Like in my journal, I don’t cross anything out or erase anything, and there’s no backspace button lol so it’s pretty raw… And I think I want to keep this blog the same way. Even if that is unprofessional lol. I mean I will fix spelling mistakes and all that but I really do want this to be a sort of stream-of-consciousness thing where I can really relax and just chat to myself. No one is going to read this anyway! What a relief.

Checking in with myself and my feelings… Let’s see… I’ve been okay but I’ve been better. I hardly ever left my bedroom when I had COVID (obviously) but even afterwards I was super isolated and extremely anxious about leaving my room. Not for any health related reason but more just anxious about talking to anyone… I’ve been on edge a lot recently— I’ve been through a lot recently. Maybe they seem like small changes from the outside but on the inside I am really going through a transformation lol. Emotionally, spiritually.

I’ve been thinking about how I can bring spirituality into my day-to-day routine, since right now I don’t even have a routine and even if I did have one I’m not used to incorporating any spiritual rituals or anything. Besides journaling I guess, which definitely feeds my soul so I’d consider that spiritual? Anyway…

I randomly was reading about tarot and apparently there is a simple reading you can do each day where you just draw one card and that’s sort of your direction/purpose(?) for the day. Or an affirmation associated with the card. I think that’d be something that I’d actually want to do, like draw a card when I wake up and sort of sit with it and think about how I can incorporate whatever messages it’s giving me into my day. I think that’s something realistic that I can try. Plus my tarot cards are just so pretty that I want to look at them more lol.

I texted REDACTED today. Sort of a long time coming but basically I wanted to let him know that I am sorry for not being very communicative (I never text him back) and for being flaky (I’ve messed up plans) etc. It’s just not good timing for me to be dating right now because to be honest— and I left this part out— I just don’t think about him. But of course he texted back saying like that I’m worth it and he doesn’t care if I’m flaky lol. He said he went on other dates since us and just didn’t have as good of a time… and I mean. Obviously not because I’m just the best, duh! No jk but he didn’t really respond in the way that I thought he would. I thought he would be like “Thanks for letting me know, peace”. But instead he is like “Don’t care, still wanna date”. Lol.

I dunno how I feel about it all because on one hand I do think we had a great date and will most likely have a great second date if we ever get to that. On the other hand, he gave me the ick a couple times and I hate that feeling. I’m just not all in with him and feel bad stringing him along being like “Oh yeah we’ll hang out next week! Oops I mean the week after! Oops I mean next month! Oops wait let me cancel again” like that isn’t fair. But okay at this point he has asked for it lol so! I told him that I appreciated his patience and understanding and I would reach out when I’m back in Tampa and back on schedule (what schedule, bitch) (shut up lol let me dream…)

Okay I think at this point I’m just writing because I’m procrastinating (oopsie) (accepting that about myself though) (self love even when I’m being annoying) (enough with the parentheses) (how do you spell parentheses) (wow I got it wrong twice and am going to have to use spellcheck)

I should stop lol. Cheers to 2022 and more journaling and more self-love and growth and abundance and clarity and kindness and peace and all that good stuff! Love you! ‪♡‬